Don't worry, I'm not stalking the obese catwoman. I just think her reviews are funny (or occasionally horribly appalling). I guess you could almost call me a fan of her work. I don't think she writes them with the intent to be funny, but they sometimes turn out that way.
My favorite new review from the cat lady is a 5 star review on "The Purrfect DVD - Cat Entertainment Video." Here it is:
"I have had this video for several years. Two of our 13 cats live in my room because one is very skitish around other cats and tends to urinate wherever she is when her brothers attack her. She and her sister have their own tv and five videos to watch. They have worn out the dvd player for the tv and an additional dvd player. I turn it off when I go to bed, but one cat wakes me around 3:30 am to turn it on again. Her favorite part on this video is the roach and bug segment! She bats at the screen and tries to find them behind the screen. This is, by far. her favorite 'movie'. I am afraid that it will wear out, so I need to get another one for future viewing."
I don't know if any of my blog readers are psychologists / therapists, but I welcome you to analyze the kind of person that would write a review like that. Let's go over a few of the things I find disturbing / entertaining:
-She has 13 cats
-She misspelled the word "skittish" (Remember, she's the one that insists that spelling and grammar always need to be flawless)
-She has a cat that literally wets itself on a regular basis
-Two of her cats apparently own a TV and a DVD player (How did the cats get the money to afford a TV and a DVD player? What kind of job hires cats? I thought there were cat labor laws or something that would prevent stuff like this from happening...)
-She lets her cat wake her up at 3:30 am to watch a DVD about cats
-I love the random punctuation of the following sentence: "This is, by far. her favorite 'movie'."
As far as misspellings and random punctuation, cat lady did a great job with her new review of the e-book "Glamour Kills at Midnight." Here it is:
"This is a book about the "Lodge", which sounds like the CIA, but isn't, quite. It is written by someone who isn't quite familiar enough with our language, our speech patterns, etc. It is so outlandish that, several times, I almost quit reading, but I just wanted to force myself thru it...for the benefit of other readers. It is, loosely speaking, about a "young spy" who is in over her head, but comes back to out-think all those who are so much more experienced and effective. It is ludicrous to the extreme, and therefore, laughable. Enjoy the experience! Read it for what it is, not what the author thought it would, or could, be."
Again, I don't ever claim to write things that are perfect (I'm trying not to be a hypocrite). It's interesting that cat lady would criticize the writer's familiarity with the English language when her review contains a ridiculous number of errors:
-There are commas all over the place. English has no rule that I know of that allows you to just throw a comma wherever the hell you want. As an example, it should read "It is ludicrous to the extreme and, therefore, laughable." Why would you want to section off "and therefore" with commas? I also like the part where she sectioned off "several times" with commas.
-I understand that all obese, crazy, cat ladies secretly want to be hipsters, but it's spelled "through" not "thru."
So hopefully you feel like you know the obese catwoman reviewer a little better. I've certainly enjoyed getting to know her over the past few months. I kind of have a vision in my mind of an old lady who goes to the park to yell at the pigeons. She may not be there yet, but give her a few years. I also wonder where she gets all these cats from and how many of them work full-time jobs to support her lavish Amazon spending habits.