Book Sales Breakdown 2016

Another year down and another bunch of books sold. My goal for 2016 was to sell 1,250 books. I made it there in late-November / early-December. I actually finished 2016 with 1,325 books sold for the year. Like my 2015 breakdown, I'm going to break down my sales from most sold to least sold and all of the cover images are linked to the Amazon page for that book if you want to check it out. When I list a current price, that is the price of the ebook (and generally the price that the book sold at for all of 2016.) Total sold is the number of books sold of that title since it was published.

Ebook Sales: 340
Audio Book Sales: 31
Paperback Sales: 9
Current Price: $3.99
Books Sold 2016: 380
Total Sold: 663







Minor Demons is really starting to gain some momentum. 380 copies is the most I've sold of any single book in any year so far as an author. I think the fact that there are two follow-up novels and a prequel novella out now really helps. I have a lot of readers who enjoy this series who grab new books as they come out, but 2016 saw a lot more people stumbling into Minor Demons and giving it a chance. I ran a few targeted promotions at $0.99 but I've moved away from giving away free books for the most part because it isn't anywhere near as effective as it used to be. Minor Demons may be my first book to sell 1,000 copies. I hope it gets there in 2017. If you've read it and enjoyed it, please recommend it to your friends and / or leave a review. It has 20 reviews on Amazon US with a 4/5 star rating and 5 reviews on Amazon UK with a 4.8/5 star rating. I also shelled out the money to create audio books for Minor Demons and Middle Demons. The Major Demons audio book is almost complete and will be released in early 2017.

Ebook Sales: 313
Audio Book Sales: 10
Paperback Sales: 6
Current Price: $4.99
Books Sold 2016: 329
Total Sold: 634







Middle Demons has almost as many copies sold as Minor Demons and it was my top selling book last year. Now that Middle Demons has been out for a while, the numbers suggest that 95.6% of readers who read Minor Demons have gone on to read Middle Demons. I'm very happy with that number. The series seems to be doing well with Kindle Unlimited readers on Amazon as well. I'm a little worried about the sell through on the audio books, but I haven't paid too much attention to audio books since 2014. They're never huge sellers for me.

Ebook Sales: 236
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: 7
Current Price: $4.99
Books Sold 2016: 243
Total Sold: 243







Major Demons was released in May on Friday the 13th. It hasn't even been out for a full year yet and it's already sold 243 copies. I got a lot of positive feedback from readers following the release of Major Demons, many of them hoping for another book in the series. I did give some thought to ending the series here and tying up the ending a little more so I didn't leave a few things open-ended. Readers convinced me that they enjoy this series enough that I should continue it. The Major Demons audio book will be available soon (hopefully February, it was delayed a little and I'm reviewing it right now) and I expect sales numbers to go up now that it has a full year to sell. I'm working on the next book in the series, Minor Nephilim, which I expect to launch in 2017.

Ebook Sales: 42
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: N/A
Current Price: $9.99
Books Sold 2016: 42
Total Sold: 42







In an effort to get more readers interested in the series, I released Angels and Demons: The Demon Trilogy bundle that includes Minor Demons, Middle Demons, Major Demons, and Outcast Demons as a bonus. It has done pretty well and does better in some countries where I don't sell as many books (India, Canada, and Australia among them.) If you want to get your friends hooked, tell them to pick up The Demon Trilogy. It'll save them a little money over buying the books individually.

Ebook Sales: 19
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: 17
Current Price: $3.99
Books Sold 2016: 36
Total Sold: 82







My fifth bestseller for 2016 was my photo tour of the Caribbean. This book also sold the most paperbacks for 2016. I imagine it'll break 100 total copies sold in 2017 and become the second of my travel photo books to do so (the only one that has made it so far is East Coast History.) If you want some ideas of what to check out in the Caribbean, check out this book. It has some great pictures and some interesting history.

Ebook Sales: 14
Audio Book Sales: 10
Paperback Sales: 6
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 30
Total Sold: 166







My short history article on Caribbean pirates and privateers is slowly making its way to 200 copies sold. When it reaches that point, it will be my second history article to do so (Constantine: The Emperor of Tolerance reached that point a while back.) This article goes along great with my Caribbean travel photo book. Definitely worth checking both out if you're headed to the Caribbean.

Ebook Sales: 13
Audio Book Sales: 0
Paperback Sales: 15
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 28
Total Sold: 96







Moving along alphabetically (tied for 7th place), Gateway to the Vikings: L'Anse aux Meadows comes next. I actually traveled to L'Anse aux Meadows in 2016 and released a travel photo book for the site plus Boston and Halifax. It goes great with this short history article. Feel free to check them both out. Gateway to the Vikings also placed 2nd for most paperbacks sold in 2016.

Ebook Sales: 28
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: 0
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 28
Total Sold: 28







Law school and work get in the way of me just writing all day. That being the case, I wanted to get another Angels and Demons book out when I had some free time to write over the summer. I decided to write a prequel to Minor Demons. It's roughly 40,000 words (so a little more than half the length of the novels) and follows the demon Bumalin as he becomes a memory thief in the Philippines. It hasn't really sold many copies yet, but I only released it in late August so I'll give it some time. If you've read the three novels but haven't read Outcast Demons yet, head over to Amazon and grab a copy.

Ebook Sales: 12
Audio Book Sales: 4
Paperback Sales: 8
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 24
Total Sold: 139







My short history article on Luther Standing Bear was in the also-bought section of Luther Standing Bear's own works on Amazon last year. It sold 78 copies in 2015. Obviously that's not the case anymore, as it's down to 24. It's still a great short read and way less than the publishers of other works on Luther Standing Bear will charge you. That's still one of my favorite history book covers. It features an Igarut shield and spear I bought the last time I was in Baguio.

Ebook Sales: 4
Audio Book Sales: 10
Paperback Sales: 9
Current Price: $0.99
Books Sold 2016: 23
Total Sold: 182







These seven short computer stories from my days as an in-home computer technician were put together for an eight hour writing challenge. I put this entire book together (including the cover that I made in MS Paint) in under eight hours. It has now sold a total of 182 copies and is my most popular selling audio book overall. That's the most accidental success I've had with any title, so I just leave it alone and let it do it's own thing. It isn't very long, but it's very entertaining for a $0.99 ebook. It was also my best selling book in 2014.

Ebook Sales: 7
Audio Book Sales: 13
Paperback Sales: 0
Current Price: $0.99
Books Sold 2016: 20
Total Sold: 64







My Geekus Maximus short stories are hidden gems. Seriously, if you're a little geeky and want some laughs, go buy everything I've written under my Geekus Maximus pen name. It'll cost you less than $3 total (or nothing if you're in Kindle Unlimited). This 8,000ish word short story follows an out of work computer tech named Robert who finds new clients in a fantasy land of dwarves, elves, goblins, trolls, and talking horses. Yes, the trolls have original technology riddles that I created. See if you can solve them before Robert does.

Ebook Sales: 5
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: 13
Current Price: $3.99
Books Sold 2016: 18
Total Sold: 121







If you enjoy U.S. history, you will enjoy this travel photo book. Over 125 photos and brief histories from: the Capitol, the Washington Monument, the Lincoln Memorial, the White House, Arlington National Cemetery, Mount Vernon, Monticello, Jamestown (with excavation photos), Gettysburg, Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, the 9/11 memorial, and more. History nerds will dig this book.

Ebook Sales: 15
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: 2
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 17
Total Sold: 92







This 54,000ish word collection contains three short stories I wrote when I was first starting out as an author. It follows the last known descendants of Dr. Jekyll as they take on and attempt to stop the descendants of Mr. Hyde. They don't sell a lot of copies and don't make much money, but I will be adding the first short story to a multi-author bundle soon in 2017. If you like the Angels and Demons series, I imagine you'll have a good time with these as well, even though they're shorter.

Ebook Sales: 7
Audio Book Sales: 4
Paperback Sales: 2
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 13
Total Sold: 250







Constantine: The Emperor of Tolerance was my best selling book in both 2012 and 2013. It's a modified version of my senior thesis and explores the idea that Constantine shaped Constantinople as a city open to both Christians and pagans. By doing so, he set a model for emperors to follow. Any time an emperor diverted from that path like Theodosius (in favor of Christians) or Julian (in favor of pagans), it led to civil war. This one is my personal favorite. I'm thrilled that it's up to 250 total copies sold now.

Ebook Sales: 5
Audio Book Sales: 2
Paperback Sales: 4
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 11
Total Sold: 140







I wrote Explanations and Advice for the Tech Illiterate because I saw a need for it as an in-home computer technician. It covers a lot of computer and home theater basics and helps you understand the terminology and what you should be looking for in retail stores. I had these available on all outlets for a year and they still only sold on Amazon, so they'll be going back as Amazon exclusives this year. Great series if you need some help with technology basics.

Ebook Sales: 3
Audio Book Sales: 2
Paperback Sales: 5
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 10
Total Sold: 56







I actually thought I would stop the Tech Illiterate series after Volume II, but a reader left a review letting me know that she had purchased both the ebooks and the paperbacks (which she marked up) and that they had changed her life. She didn't feel afraid of technology anymore. She asked me to continue the series, so I did. I'm hoping the series does better back as Amazon exclusives this year.

Ebook Sales: 1
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: 7
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 8
Total Sold: 33







I've talked about what's in this travel photo book before, so let me tell a story about the cover. That tiger was asleep nearly the entire time we were there looking at it. I had time to buy a shirt and walk around for a while. The tiger slept the whole time. As we were leaving, he popped his head up and I ran back. When I looked through all the photos I took for this book, one of the shots of the tiger that I took when I ran back was my favorite and ended up on the cover. I'm really glad he woke up.

Ebook Sales: 2
Audio Book Sales: 2
Paperback Sales: 3
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 7
Total Sold: 64







This is a pretty cool little article that traces some early sources towards the origin of prayers through Archangels and intercessory beings. The praying couple on the front are the Mary and Joseph from the carved nativity set I bought in Baguio. As you may have guessed, my house has a lot of wood carvings from Baguio. A lot.

Ebook Sales: 4
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: 3
Current Price: $3.99
Books Sold 2016: 7
Total Sold: 37







This book is a great photo-based tour of three major Asian cities. The cover features the entrance to the grave of the 47 Ronin. Definitely worth checking out.

Ebook Sales: 3
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: 4
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 7
Total Sold: 32







This is my photo-based travel book on Hawaii. It was my only book to sell 0 copies in 2015, so I guilt-tripped everyone in my last Book Sales Breakdown. The guilt-trip worked, because it sold a few copies early in 2016 and then a few more later on in the year. So thanks everyone. Someone go buy a copy now so I don't have to guilt-trip you in the 2017 Book Sales Breakdown. :-P

Ebook Sales: 4
Audio Book Sales: 1
Paperback Sales: 1
Current Price: $0.99
Books Sold 2016: 6
Total Sold: 36







This is the second short story in the journeys of Robert the computer tech. In this one, goblins release a virus so that they can drum up business for their anti-virus software company. My sister did the cover for this one. I'm gonna say it again, go buy every Geekus Maximus book. Less than $3 total.

Ebook Sales: 5
Audio Book Sales: 1
Paperback Sales: 0
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 6
Total Sold: 56







This is a combo of two really short articles, one about the theocracy that existed in early Utah and the other about Gregory Palamas of the Eastern Orthodox church. I'm really surprised it sold an audio book, because it's been blasted over on Audible. Writing about anything religion-related always brings out people with really strong opinions.

Ebook Sales: 2
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: 4
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 6
Total Sold: 43







I miss the Philippines like crazy. I lived over there as a missionary from 2005-2007. In my travels, I've also discovered that I just really like islands in general. I also hate snow... especially Utah snow. This is a unique book in my travel photo series because I speak fluent Tagalog, so I've included some Tagalog words and a lot of really cool places to check out. The rice terraces of Banaue (on the cover) have been farmed for thousands of years. If I ever make enough money to retire early, I might move to the Philippines... or the Caribbean... or just away from Utah.

Ebook Sales: 4
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: 2
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 6
Total Sold: 32







I should have named this one Traveling the U.S.: Salt Lake City. This mostly explores historical sites in Salt Lake, Echo, and Park City. It was fun to walk around and learn a little more about the history of Salt Lake for myself. It's a cool book with some great pictures.

Ebook Sales: 0
Audio Book Sales: 5
Paperback Sales: N/A
Current Price: $0.99
Books Sold 2016: 5
Total Sold: 39







This short story was free for a long time to generate sales of the next two short stories. I've changed it back into a $0.99 ebook and I think a lot of the readers interested in the series just buy the $2.99 bundle. I'm fine with that. This does have an amazing audio book version, though.

Ebook Sales: 3
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: 2
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 5
Total Sold: 5







In our 2013 east coast history travels, we didn't have time to make it up to Boston. This year, I suggested we go to Boston and then fly up to Halifax to drive down and see L'Anse aux Meadows. We put that vacation together and I got some amazing photographs of colonial history in Boston and the only confirmed North American viking site up in Canada. It's a steal at $2.99. Go read it.

Ebook Sales: 3
Audio Book Sales: 0
Paperback Sales: 0
Current Price: $1.99
Books Sold 2016: 3
Total Sold: 46







This is the short story that started it all for me. I wrote it way back in 2012 when I decided being an author would be a fun hobby. I had no idea how much fun it would be and that it would eventually lead to an extra passive income every month. I still really like the cover for this one, even though it doesn't necessarily gel well with the genre.

Ebook Sales: 1
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: 2
Current Price: $2.99
Books Sold 2016: 3
Total Sold: 11







This is the only Tech Illiterate volume that hasn't made back its costs, but I don't care. That's not why I wrote this one. I wrote this one because a reader asked me to continue the series. Her review made me feel like I had done something life-changing for her, so I wrote Volume III. It'll eventually make back its costs.

Ebook Sales: 2
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: N/A
Current Price: $8.99
Books Sold 2016: 2
Total Sold: 10







So the history article collection finally got a new cover. I ran a Facebook ad early last year when I was still experimenting with Facebook ads. The ad sold two copies. I'll take it. At least the history article collection didn't go a year with nothing. If you're interested in a few of my history articles, buy the collection. It'll save you a lot of money.

Ebook Sales: 2
Audio Book Sales: N/A
Paperback Sales: N/A
Current Price: $5.99
Books Sold 2016: 2
Total Sold: 2







I created this bundle that includes all three Tech Illiterate books to save readers some money if they want more than one. I don't expect it to sell a lot, but it has already sold one in 2017.

Ebook Sales: 1
Audio Book Sales: 0
Paperback Sales: N/A
Current Price: $1.99
Books Sold 2016: 1
Total Sold: 24







This is a short 10,000ish word novella I wrote as a follow-up to Jehovah and Hades. I stopped the series after this one, but the things I learned writing this series ultimately led to my decision to write Minor Demons in 2013. Thank you to whoever purchased the single copy that this short story sold in 2016.


I've already sold over 100 books so far in 2017. That's insane. I'm actually starting to get some fans with the Angels and Demons series. Here's the total breakdown for the past 5 years:

2012 Books Sold: 157 (156 ebooks, 1 paperback)
2013 Books Sold: 372 (222 ebooks, 139 audio books, 11 paperbacks)
2014 Books Sold: 636 (404 ebooks, 160 audio books, 72 paperbacks)
2015 Books Sold: 998 (885 ebooks, 70 audio books, 123 paperbacks)
2016 Books Sold: 1,325 (1,099 ebooks, 95 audio books, 131 paperbacks)

That puts me at 3,488 books sold since I started in 2012. I put a lot more time into this now than I did back in 2012 and I hope the numbers continue to trend upwards. That's why I'm aiming to sell 1,750 books in 2017. That's a bigger jump than I've seen in years past, but I will be releasing the 4th Angels and Demons book this year and at least start working on the 5th. Ultimately, I would love it if I sold enough at some point in the future that I could go down to being a part-time lawyer and / or IT guy and dedicate more time to writing. I'm definitely trending towards that, so thank you to all of my readers. Here's to a great 2017!

You can check out my 2015 book sales breakdown here, my 2014 books sales breakdown here, and my 2013 book sales breakdown here.

Outcast Demons: 5 Chapter Preview

What follows is the first five chapters of the rough draft version of Outcast Demons. I hope you enjoy it and purchase the book when I release it (hopefully in July or August).

OUTCAST DEMONS

BY: RANDALL J. MORRIS

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are a product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2016 by Randall J. Morris
Cover by Elizabeth Mackey Graphics
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in critical articles or book reviews.

CHAPTER 1

Bumalin stood at the entrance of the labyrinth clutching a medium-sized rock in his right hand. Most demons and demonesses entered the trials with very little and it generally played a role in their demon placement. Bumalin knew he wasn’t going to become a minor demon after the trials. All he had was a rock.

He looked over at his partner, a demon named Banish. They had never met before the trials and were randomly paired up, as neither of them could find a partner. Banish had a sharp stick and looked like he was about to piss himself. Bumalin thought how stupid the trials were, since most of them would just become demons-in-training. That didn’t really help him in his current situation though.

“Let’s just walk forward slowly. We just need to survive. Maybe we can kill something and then search it for some real weapons. Sound good?”

Banish turned to look at Bumalin and nodded slowly. They started moving forward at a very slow pace, careful to thoroughly search their path before progressing. They came to a fork in the road and Banish looked at Bumalin.

“Flip a coin?”

Bumalin rolled his eyes.

“If I had a coin, do you think I would have come in here with nothing but a rock?”

“Fine then. You pick the way. I’ll follow.”

“We’ll go left. Do me a favor?”

“Yeah?”

“Calm the hell down. We can do this. I’ve always been told that the weaker creatures are at the front of the labyrinth. We can kill one and loot it. It’s going to be fine.”

Banish nodded and took several deep breaths.

“Cool. We can do this. I’m calm. Go ahead, Bumalin. I’ll follow you.”

Bumalin gripped his medium-sized rock tightly and walked forward slowly. When he made it a few more feet, the demons heard a voice.

“There’s no need to move so slowly, demons. I’m not going to jump out at you.”

Bumalin searched for the source of the voice, but saw only darkness.

“Come on out then. We’re ready for you.”

A vampire stepped into view complete with a cape, dark slicked back hair, and a very long sword in his right hand. The sword was dripping blood and the vampire smiled at them.

“I love the trials. So many scared little demons. So many ways to kill them.”

Bumalin took aim and got ready to throw his rock.

“I’ll hit him hard with the rock and you attack with your sharp stick. Easy.”

Bumalin looked over at Banish to confirm that Banish was ready to back him up. He saw that Banish has pissed his pants and was shaking.

“I can’t do this, Bumalin. Good luck.”

Banish stabbed himself in the throat with his sharp stuck, convulsed briefly after he fell to the ground, and then died. The vampire laughed.

“Good help is so hard to find these days. Wouldn’t you agree, young demon?”

“Shut up. I still have a rock.”

The vampire laughed again.

“Right. By all means, attack me with a rock. I’m ready.”

Bumalin stepped sideways and acted as if he was trying to get a better angle. In reality, he was moving closer to Banish’s corpse. Bumalin wound up and tossed the rock as hard as he could. The vampire stepped sideways and the rock sailed past him into the darkness. The vampire advanced, grinning at Bumalin.

“I can make it quick for you. Get down on your knees and bow your head.”

Bumalin got on his knees and started feeling around with his right hand. When he felt the sharp stick in Banish’s throat, he gripped it and bowed his head.

“You promised it would be quick. Let’s go.”

Bumalin felt the vampire’s blade resting on the back of his neck. As it lifted up and the vampire prepared to strike, Bumalin pulled the sharp stick from Banish’s neck and plunged it into the vampire’s heart. The vampire cried out and then turned in to a pile of dust. His cape drifted to the ground and Bumalin caught the long blade on his foot before it hit the floor and made noise. He gently set the sword on the ground with his foot and retrieved the cape. The cape was made of an expensive-looking black material and Bumalin put it on. He then retrieved the sword and realized he had no way of attaching it to himself. Bumalin didn’t own a belt. He looked around and zeroed in on Banish’s corpse once again. He ripped Banish’s shirt and rolled it into a makeshift belt, which he tied around his waist and secured the sword.

“I really wish you weren’t such a coward. I don’t want to do this alone.”

CHAPTER 2

Bumalin continued to move forward slowly. Even with a cool new vampire cape and a sharp sword, he was hoping he could just find his way through without encountering anything else. The trials were stupid. Dozens of demons passed through them at a time and only two or three became minor demons. Everyone else was assigned somewhere as a demon-in-training. Bumalin really wanted to skip ahead to his assignment, especially since the labyrinth was only the first of three trials.

Eventually, Bumalin heard a low growl and saw a wolf step out of the shadows.

“Damn. I was really hoping I could just sneak through here. Oh well.”

Bumalin drew his blade and the wolf’s growling got louder. Bumalin was surprised when it stopped growling and asked him a question.

“Are you a vampire?”

“I uh… I killed a vampire. I didn’t know wolves could talk.”

“Most can’t. I’m a labyrinth wolf. I can talk.”

“So… would you be interested in a free, easy meal?”

The wolf grinned.

“You think that little of your own sword skills? That’s sad, vampire.”

“I’m not a vampire. I’m a demon in a vampire cape and I wasn’t talking about me. I’m not the meal. I’m willing to make a deal with you.”

The wolf sat, listening intently.

“I know where a demon corpse is. You don’t want some random cyclops or sphinx or whatever finding it before you do. I can tell you exactly how to get there.”

“What’s the catch? You get to suck my blood?”

“I’m not a vampire. I’m guessing you can get me out of here without running into any more creatures. Guide me out quickly and I’ll draw you a map on the floor with my sword.”

“Is it a big demon corpse?”

“He was pretty normal sized. Do you agree to my terms? Think quickly, there could be something on its way there right now.”

The wolf nodded.

“I accept your terms, vampire. Follow me.”

The wolf turned and ran. Bumalin followed. The wolf led him on a path that completely avoided fights, even though they had to sneak past a few creatures. When they reached the exit gates, Bumalin drew his sword.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to scratch a map into the floor with this sword.”

The wolf looked at him like he was crazy.

“You don’t have anything to write on?”

“I told you I’d draw you a map with my sword. You accepted my terms.”

“Hold on. I’ll be back in a minute.”

The wolf turned and ran off into the labyrinth. Bumalin leaned on his sword and waited. Eventually, the wolf returned carrying a roll of parchment and a feather in its mouth. He spat out both items in front of Bumalin and looked up.

“Draw the map on these.”

“With what? You didn’t bring me any ink.”

“You’re a vampire. I just sort of figured you would have some blood on you to write with.”

“For the last fucking time… I… AM… NOT… A… VAMPIRE!”

“But you have a vampire cape and threatened to drink my blood.”

“I never threatened to drink your blood.”

Bumalin really wanted to just kill the wolf and leave, but realized that the wolf was right. He could just make the map using his own blood for ink. Bumalin made a shallow cut in his left palm and dipped the feather in his blood. He drew out a map on the parchment, marking Banish’s corpse with an “X,” and placed it on the floor. The wolf looked at it for a few minutes, rolled up the parchment with his paw, and then grabbed it with his mouth.

“Fank you, fampire.”

The wolf turned and ran off into the labyrinth. Bumalin was glad all of that nonsense was over. He turned to the exit and realized that he didn’t know how to open the gate. He looked around until he finally saw writing above the gate.

I am greater than God and more evil than the devil. The poor have me, the rich need me, and if you eat me, you’ll die. Speak the answer and the gate will open.

Bumalin thought for several minutes but couldn’t figure it out. He started blurting out random words.

“Apples.”

Nothing happened.

“Tree bark.”

Nothing happened.

“The moon.”

Nothing happened. Bumalin put his sword back on his belt and sat down. He thought hard for several minutes more. He hoped talking it out would guide him to the answer.

“Greater than God. I don’t know anything greater than God. Same goes for more evil than the devil. The poor don’t have… oh it’s some bullshit like love, isn’t it?”

Bumalin stood and positioned himself back in front of the gate.

“Love.”

Nothing happened.

“Hate.”

Nothing happened.

“I give up! This riddle doesn’t make any sense! Nothing is more evil than the Dragon!”

The gate opened after Bumalin said the word “nothing.” He thought it over and realized that “nothing” was actually the answer. He grinned and walked out of the labyrinth. A giant immediately placed a sack over his head, hoisted him over his shoulder, and started walking away.

CHAPTER 3

When the giant had finished his journey, he set Bumalin down hard on a chair while two smaller demons tied his hands to the chair’s legs. The sack was removed from Bumalin’s head and he realized he was in a small, dark room looking at a demon he didn’t know. The demon looked him over and then began some kind of interrogation. Bumalin realized he was probably in trouble.

“You drew a map of the labyrinth for one of the labyrinth wolves. Was someone helping you with the trials?”

“No. I have a good memory. It wasn’t a big deal and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t cheating. I thought the labyrinth didn’t have any rules.”

“It doesn’t. You expect me to believe that you just remembered the way back to that other guy’s corpse?”

“I don’t care what you believe. If you’re going to kill me, just get it over with. I’ve had a very annoying day. Can you bring in a hot chick before you kill me though? I don’t want your face to be the last thing I see. Any of Vixen’s daughters would be fine.”

“You’ve got a mouth on you. I’m not sure if we like that.”

“We? I only see one asshole in the room with me. What’s going on?”

“What’s going on is that we have an immediate opening for a demon-in-training spot in the Philippines working for a minor demon under General Lucian. The official title is secret storer. You seem like you have a good memory and there’s no way you’re becoming a minor demon after taking three hours and forty-seven minutes to make it through the labyrinth.”

“You mean I could skip the next two trials and just get on with the boring work assignment part of my life? I’m in.”

“I’m still deciding if we want you. If I say no, you’re out of here and it’s time to get ready for the second trial.”

“Look… I didn’t mean to imply that you’re ugly. I’m sure you uh… clean up nice. I just don’t enjoy being carried by an ogre to a dark room with a sack over my head after killing a vampire and befriending the world’s most annoying wolf.”

The demon grinned.

“Yeah… we were watching that. Nice cape, vampire.”

“For fuck’s sake. Don’t start with that shit.”

“Or you’ll suck my blood?”

“You’re making it very difficult to not say mean things about you.”

A demon walked into the room and placed a wooden box on the table in front of Bumalin. He turned and exited without saying a word.

“Good. It’s here. This is a minor ring of power. We don’t normally give them to demons-in-training, but we make an exception for secret storers. It enhances your memory and works best when a demon has a good memory to begin with. Some of our best secret storers even have eidetic memories. I doubt it will do that well for you, but that’s what we’re here to find out. If you fail our test in here, we send you on to the second demon placement trial.”

“You gonna untie me so I can put the minor memory ring on?”

The demon pulled Bumalin’s sword from his belt and slashed at the ropes that bound Bumalin to the chair. His aim wasn’t perfect and Bumalin started to bleed a little from his wrists.

“Great. Thanks for that. I was hoping for open wounds on both my wrists to match the one on my left palm.”

“Quit bitching. Put the ring on and we’ll give you the test. I’m going to recommend we don’t take you unless you have an eidetic memory because you’re a whiny little asshole.”

“Come on. That’s not cool. You cut my wrists.”

The demon slammed a piece of paper on the table. Bumalin jumped back slightly and almost fell back in the chair.

“This sheet of paper has a long-ass number on it. Put on the ring. Memorize the number. You’ll have five minutes. When your five minutes are up, I’ll come back in the room and give you a blank sheet of paper. You’ll write as much of the number as you remember. That’s the test. I’ll give the both papers to my superiors and tell them you’re a sucky demon that we don’t really want. I hope they listen.”

The demon turned and abruptly left the room. Bumalin put the memory ring on his finger and looked at the piece of paper. He was able to commit most of the number to memory within a few minutes but realized he was going to have trouble with the last couple of lines. Realizing that he was running out of time, Bumalin dipped his fingers in the blood slowly trickling out of his wrists and wrote the last part of the number on one of the legs of the table without getting out of his chair or moving too much. He kept his eyes on the paper in case they were watching him. He could see the table leg if he turned his head slightly to the right. He ran through the majority of the number in his head one more time before the demon returned and took the paper away. He put a blank piece of paper in its place with a feather pen and a bottle of ink.

“Alright. Write as much of it as you can remember.”

“Are you going to recommend me if I can remember the whole thing?”

“Nope.”

“Great. I’m glad you don’t let petty bullshit get in the way.”

Before the demon could respond, Bumalin started writing. The demon came over and stood next to Bumalin, blocking his view of the table leg.

“You can’t remember the whole thing, can you?”

Bumalin didn’t look up.

“It’s kind of hard to with you distracting me like this. If you leave the room, I can focus and write down the whole thing.”

“I’m not going anywhere…”

A demon entered the room.

“Alastor wants you out. He wants to see what the kid can do without distractions.”

The demon approached the demon at Bumalin’s side and grabbed his arm to escort him out. He shook it off.

“Fine. He won’t remember it anyways. He lied to the wolf and he’s lying to us.”

“Alastor said the wolf got the corpse. This guy’s map was accurate.”

The two demons left the room and Bumalin titled his head slightly, chewing on the feather as if he was thinking. He saw the rest of the numbers on the table leg and committed them to memory. Within thirty seconds, he had written them down on the paper. He waved the paper in the air.

“All done. It’s the full number. I have an eidetic memory, asshat. Go tell Alastor or whoever your boss is.”

The demon angrily entered the room and roughly grabbed the paper from Bumalin’s hand. He compared it to the original. Several minutes later, he looked back over at Bumalin.

“Luck. That’s all any of this is. I hope you end up with me in the Philippines. In fact, I’m going to request it so I can make your life a miserable nightmare.”

“You’re a minor demon then? Can I request that you not be my boss?”

The demon flipped Bumalin off before he turned and left the room. Bumalin used his cape to wipe the bloody numbers off of the table leg.

CHAPTER 4

After a considerable amount of time, the giant that had carried Bumalin into the room showed up. He offered Bumalin the same sack and Bumalin sighed before putting it over his head. The giant lifted him up out of the chair and slowly stomped his way towards an unknown destination. A few minutes later, the giant set Bumalin down and removed the sack. Bumalin saw a large gate and the giant pointed at it before turning and walking away. Bumalin approached the gate and looked around.

“Yes?”

A voice came out of nowhere and Bumalin looked for its source.

“I uh… I… don’t really know what the hell I’m doing here. This is where the giant dropped me off. My name is Bumalin and…”

The gate slowly started to creak open. Bumalin waited for someone to respond.

“Well go in. Alastor is expecting you.”

Bumalin once again searched for the source of the voice but couldn’t find it.

“That’s creepy. I don’t like conversations with demons I can’t see.”

Bumalin started walking up the path, now realizing that he no longer had his sword. The minor demon that had given him a memory test had taken it with him. At the end of the road, a demoness waited for Bumalin.

“Alastor wants to see you before he sends you off to the Philippines. Follow me.”

“So I passed the test then? I’m getting an assignment?”

The demoness looked embarrassed.

“Um… maybe. Hey… let’s just pretend I didn’t say anything, ok?”

“Oh. You weren’t supposed to tell me. No worries, babe. I can act surprised.”

The demoness didn’t respond. She led Bumalin to a large metal door and disappeared inside without opening it.

“Wall phasing powers. Cool.”

Bumalin took a seat on a marble bench next to the large metal door and waited. The demoness appeared a few minutes later and opened the door for Bumalin.

“Alastor will see you now and discuss your test results.”

“Right. Thanks.”

Bumalin entered the large room and saw Alastor sitting in a comfortable chair behind a large desk. Bumalin nodded, unsure what he was supposed to do. Alastor gestured at a chair in front of the desk.

“Have a seat, Bumalin.”

“Thank you… um… Lord Alastor?”

“That’s correct. I’m the middle demon of secrets under General Lucian. The department of lies is very interested in you after your performance in the labyrinth. The wolf found the corpse, by the way. What’s even more impressive is this…”

Alastor placed two pieces of paper on the table facing Bumalin. They were the number he was given and his attempt at copying it from memory.

“A perfect match. We’ve had secret storers who develop and eidetic memory over time but it’s rare that a demon-in-training has one with nothing but a minor memory ring. Is your memory perfect without the ring?”

“Afraid not, sir. I have an excellent memory but it was the ring that put me over the top.”

“Well I’m sold. We want to pull you from the trials so you can begin your assignment immediately in the Philippines. Menace went on and on about what a great asset you would be to his team.”

“Menace is the minor demon who gave me the test?”

“Yup. He requested that you be transferred to his army immediately.”

“Lord Alastor… I… don’t really know how to put this…”

“You think Menace is an asshole and you don’t want to work for him.”

Bumalin looked at the floor, unsure how to respond. Alastor laughed.

“Its fine, Bumalin. This is the department of lies. You think I can’t tell when one of my minor demons is full of shit?”

Bumalin grinned. He was starting to think Alastor was alright.

“You’re being assigned to a minor demon named Scarecrow. He works up in the mountains in the Philippines, in an area called Baguio. We’re seeing expansive growth in that area and he needs an eidetic memory secret storer a lot more than Menace does.”

“Can I have my sword back, sir? I took a long blade from a vampire in the labyrinth and Menace took it from me during that memory test.”

“Demons-in-training don’t get swords. They usually don’t get a meeting with me, either. You can keep the vampire cape but you’re only allowed one of these for self-defense in case of an angel attack plus any weapons temporarily assigned to you during battle.”

Alastor placed a large knife on the table. Bumalin took it and attached it to his belt.

“Don’t worry, though. We’ll get you some good weapons when you become a minor demon. Do what Scarecrow tells you and you’ll be alright.”

Bumalin was disappointed that his sword was gone but knew there was no point arguing about it. There probably wasn’t a great reason why the rule was put in place, but once a rule existed it took ten times the effort to get it removed. At least he could keep the cape that everyone mocked him for. He was starting to wonder if he shouldn’t have just kept his medium-sized rock. No one would want to take that away from him.

Alastor placed a gold coin on the table and Bumalin pocketed it without waiting for an explanation.

“That’s for Charon. He’ll get you to the surface with the latest batch of recruits. I have high hopes for you, Bumalin. You’re on the track to becoming a minor demon. Just follow Scarecrow’s lead.”

Bumalin nodded but was annoyed on the inside. Being a minor demon would allow him to carry a sword again, even though he had already earned one for himself in the labyrinth and they had taken it away from him. Bumalin got up from his seat and left. The same demoness that had led him to Alastor’s office was waiting for him outside the door.

“You didn’t say anything, did you? You didn’t get me in trouble?”

“No. I let Alastor give me the same news. I didn’t even mention you. Stop worrying about it.”

The demoness seemed mostly relieved. She started walking towards one of Hell’s rivers and beckoned Bumalin to follow.

“Thanks. Most demons tend to blackmail me when I screw up.”

Bumalin had been thinking about blackmailing her, but thought it would feel weird after she had just said something like that.

“Really. It’s no problem. It was a slip of the tongue. No need to hold it over your head.”

They reached a skeletal figure in a black hood and cloak. He held a scythe in his left hand and held out his open right palm as they approached. The demoness turned and started walking back briskly but slowed her pace for a few seconds. She looked back and saw Bumalin fishing through his pocket to find the coin for Charon. She turned and went back.

“I’d like us to be even.”

Bumalin finally pulled the coin from his pocket and placed it in Charon’s open palm. Charon pointed to the boat.

“It was no big deal.”

“You saw me walk through the door back there. I can phase in and out of walls. It’s a minor demon power, but I’ve figured out how to get the same effect from a potion I work on after hours.”

The demoness placed a small vial filled with clear liquid in Bumalin’s hand and then closed his fingers around it.

“It’ll work three times. Drink a third of the vial each time. We’re even now.”

The demoness turned and ran back to Alastor’s estate. Bumalin pocketed the vial and got on the boat. He found a seat near the middle and waited for other demons to arrive and board. A few of them looked at his vampire cape and snickered. He thought he might have the seat all to himself until the last demoness to board scanned Charon’s boat and then sat next to Bumalin.

CHAPTER 5

Bumalin was torn. The demoness sitting next to him was cute, but he was getting pretty tired. He ran a rough calculation of the amount of time he had spent sleeping and eating over the past day and the number was frustratingly low. He decided on a compromise. If she started talking, he would talk to her. If she didn’t, he was going to take a nap. He started to close his eyes when he felt a hand feeling his cape.

“I like your cape. What’s it made out of?”

Damn. Bumalin had been starting to hope for the nap.

“I’m not really sure. I got it in the labyrinth off of a vampire I killed. Did you make it out of there with anything useful?”

The demoness gestured to the knife on her belt. Bumalin looked confused.

“I thought they give those to all the demons-in-training.”

“They do. Had I known that, I wouldn’t have tried so hard to keep this with me through the entire labyrinth.”

Bumalin grinned. The demoness smiled back at him.

“My name’s Alexa, but my friends just call me Lexi.”

“Bumalin.”

“What job did they give you, Bumalin?”

“Secret storer.”

Lexi punched Bumalin in the arm.

“No way! We have the same job! How did you do on the memory test?”

“Um… pretty well.”

“Oh. You don’t want to tell me your score?”

“My score?”

“Didn’t they give you a score? I got 94% of the number correct.”

“Oh ok. Good job.”

“Don’t be an ass, Bumalin. I told you my score. Now tell me yours.”

“You won’t like me if I do.”

Lexi punched him in the arm again.

“Stop doing that.”

“How much of the…”

“I got the whole damn number! Ok?”

Bumalin thought that would be the end of their conversation and he could finally take his nap. Instead, Lexi looked at him with wide eyes.

“You have an eidetic memory?”

“Well only when I have that minor memory ring on. My memory is just pretty good without it.”

“That… is so… COOL!”

“Keep your voice down. The other demons will think you’re weird.”

Lexi waved his comment off dismissively.

“Oh I don’t care what they think.”

“I imagine that’s been a useful trait for you.”

Lexi tried to punch Bumalin in the arm again but he slid slightly away from her on the seat and she missed. Bumalin grinned.

“So are you going to be an arrogant jerk about your score? Can we not be friends now?”

“Of course not… Ms. 94. I mean… Lexi.”

Lexi laughed.

“Bumalin, I think we’re going to be friends.”

“Don’t I get a say in this?”

“No.”

“Ok. I have a really important question to ask you if we’re going to be friends.”

“Ask it.”

Bumalin’s stomach growled.

“Do you have anything to eat or drink?”

Lexi nodded and pulled a small can from a sack on her belt.

“It’s the soul of a farmer who killed his neighbor. I stole it from Alastor’s personal stash back there. He was too busy to meet with me and I took it personally. We can share it.”

Bumalin grabbed the can from her hand and propped the lid off with his knife. He took a deep gulp and drained half of the can before handing it back to Lexi.

“Fuck yeah. That hit the spot. Now I kind of want a nap so…”

“Are you telling me to leave you alone? You just wanted half my can of murderer and that’s it?”

“No. I have a warm vampire cape. I was wondering if you want to take a nap with me.”

Lexi grinned and then pointed at the front of the boat. They had reached land.

“I guess I’ll take a rain check on that nap.”

Lexi gulped the rest of the soul in the can and hopped out of the boat. She motioned for Bumalin to follow. Bumalin got to his feet and stumbled towards the front of the ship. He ended up tripping and landing hard on the sandy beach outside the ship. Several demons laughed. Lexi helped him to his feet.

“Wow. You weren’t kidding. You really need a nap. Why are you so tired?”

“They took me directly from the labyrinth to that testing room. The asshole who gave me the test took forever. He kept interrupting and causing problems. I haven’t slept since before the labyrinth.”

“That sucks. They recruited me after the second trial so they gave me a whole day to rest while my batch finished the last trial. I feel great.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t. We’re friends. Remember? I decided we’re friends.”

“Oh. Right. I hate you, friend.”

“Wow. You get cranky when you’re tired.”

Bumalin started to walk forward on the sand. He tripped again, but Lexi caught him this time. She put his arm around her shoulder. The minor demon in charge was long gone, a long ways up the trail. Lexi and Bumalin moved slowly at the back of the line. As darkness started to set in, Lexi started to worry that all of the other demons were too far ahead.

“Bumalin?”

Lexi thought she heard Bumalin snore.

“No wonder you’ve been so slow. You fucking fell asleep on me.”

Lexi removed her Bumalin’s arm from her shoulders and he fell to the ground, sound asleep.

“Damn it, Bumalin! We’re going to get in trouble.”

Lexi kneeled down and slapped Bumalin hard across the face.

“Ow!”

Bumalin looked around.

“Hey! When did it get this dark outside and why am I on the ground?”

“We fell behind and you fell asleep.”

Bumalin sat up and stretched his arms.

“Well I feel great. Demons should get more nap time.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t. You decided we’re friends.”

“I just undecided that. You made me carry your lazy ass for miles. I’m honestly surprised your feet continued to move.”

“You know you want to be friends with me, Lexi. Who else are you going to be friends with? There’s no one else around here.”

Bumalin heard some rustling in the nearby bushes. He drew his knife and jumped up to his feet. He got between Lexi and the area the noise had come from.

“There’s something in the bushes. Get your weapon out.”

Lexi drew her knife and elbowed Bumalin hard in the ribs.

“This never would have happened if we could have kept up with the group.”

“Or if the idiots in charge wouldn’t have kept me awake for 24 hours… or if they had let me take a nap and go with the next batch of demons-in-training… or if you had let me nap on Charon’s boat… or…”

“Shut up.”

Lexi pointed at a particular bush that seemed to be moving. Bumalin nodded. Bumalin held up three fingers, then two, then one. An angel sprang out of the bushes, swinging two swords. His eyes lit up with white light and the blades started to glow seconds later.

“My name is Zephon and I’m the minor angel of household protection. Prepare to die, demons.”

Bumalin tried hard not to laugh.

“Why the hell would there be a minor angel of something stupid like household protection?”

The question caught Zephon off guard.

“It’s not stupid. It’s awesome. Prepare to die, demons.”

Bumalin spoke quietly to Lexi while removing the vial from his pocket.

“He won’t be able to hurt me. Get behind him and attack right after I do. Got it?”

“There it is. There’s the overconfidence. You have an eidetic memory so somehow…”

“It has nothing to do with that.” Bumalin showed her the vial and quickly downed a third of it. Lexi nodded and started slowly making her way towards Zephon’s back. Zephon pointed a sword at each of them and kept his swords in line with them as they moved. Bumalin yelled and swung his knife wildly before attacking. Zephon laughed. As Bumalin approached, Zephon took careful aim and put his sword cleanly through Bumalin’s neck. Bumalin tried as hard as he could to mimic a shocked facial expression.

“Now! Do it now!”

Lexi stabbed her knife in between Zephon’s shoulder blades. The angel fell forward on his knees. Bumalin put his knife back on his belt. The sword had passed right through his neck.

“Demon sorcery!”

“Sort of. I met this demoness before I met Alastor. She could phase through walls and doors and stuff. So what happened was…”

“Bumalin, why are you explaining your potion to a dead angel?”

Bumalin looked at the ground and saw the unmoving corpse of the angel.

“Damn. Now no one wants to hear my story.”

Lexi hit him hard in the arm.

“Wrong. I don’t think I like where the story was going, but I’ll be damned if you’re not going to tell me the rest of it.”